Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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