I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Two words: blizzard sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
