I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
