I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
