so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
