and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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