you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
