Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
