oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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