just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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