Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
