if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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