ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
