I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
