Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
