You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
