I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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