Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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