The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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