his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
