I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
