You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
