Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
