no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
