Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
