She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize