my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
