She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize