cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize