Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
