after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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