final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
