Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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