she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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