You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
