Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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