morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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