I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize