My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
