Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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