low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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