Im at strip club and am horny
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
