At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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