so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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