remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
