I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
