i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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