I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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