That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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