I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
