so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
