The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
