We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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