dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
