are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize