Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
