what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
