is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
