he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
