Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
