Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
