yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
