What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
