I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize