The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
