I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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