Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
